make a man love you

Why Men Pull Away And How To Deal With It

Why Men Pull AwayDoes this situation sound familiar? You have been getting closer and closer to your guy recently and things seem to have been going really well.

You guys were spending so much together and he was calling or texting every day. He would bring you flowers or do other romantic things, such as take you out for a fancy dinner date.

Then all of a sudden, just as quickly as you guys got close, he starts to withdraw.

If you are wondering why men pull away, then welcome to the club! This is such a common occurrence that just about every woman has asked herself this question at some point.

The answer of course depends on your exact situation, so I will go over some of the most common scenarios to break down the most common reasons why your man has been withdrawing.

Video Reveals: Why Men Lose Interest And How To Get Him To Fall In Love And Commit

Why Men Pull Away Video

What To Do If A Man Pulls Away After The First Few Dates

We have all been there, so do not feel bad if this happens to you. You have been dating a new guy and things seemed to be going well. He was texting and calling you and seemed really interested. You went on a few dates and then bam, he suddenly just disappears on you. You never hear from him again and it is as if none of it ever happened.Why Men Pull Away

So what is going on here? Are you crazy? Did you make the whole thing up in your head? Should you call him and try to find out if he is still interested?

The bottom line here is that this guy is not interested in you, and it is time to move on to the next guy. You are a hot, single woman who deserves to be chased and wooed by your man. You do not need to waste any more time on the kind of guy who just disappears.

In the beginning when you have just started dating a guy, both of you are still free to date other people. He probably has other options, and you should definitely have other options too. Date multiple guys at once so you never get hung up on this kind of guy.

In the dating phase, you should be letting guys chase after you. Guys have a biological instinct that makes them want to hunt you down and claim you as their own. They love to beat out the competition and win the prize. In order for that instinct to get fulfilled, you need to hold back and let them pursue you.

If you come on too strong in the beginning of a relationship by calling or texting a guy constantly, he is going to lose interest and pull away. Letting him pursue you at this stage is what will keep him interested and prevent him from pulling away.

If you let a guy pursue you, and he still pulls away, that is a sure sign that he is not interested. Wouldn’t you rather know now before you get too invested in the relationship?

There is no need to let it get you down if a guy loses interest. Wondering why men pull away after just a few dates will only drive you crazy.  There are plenty of other guys right around the corner that would love to get a chance with you.


What To Do if A Man Pulls Away After You Sleep With Him

Ah yes, this is perhaps the worst of all the guys who pull away. This is the guy who lays on the charm and works hard to get you into bed. But once you give it up and sleep with him, he suddenly disappears on you.

So what does it mean when a guy pulls away after sex? Did you do something wrong? Were you lousy in bed? You are left feeling used and hurt and want answers. So what you should you do?

Unfortunately this situation is all to common, and the answer is usually the same. The guy who pulls away after sex was usually just using you for sex. He was only interested in getting you into bed, and then he had no use for you once he got what he was looking for.

If this happens to you, the best thing to do is just move on. There absolutely are good guys out there, and there is no reason to waste any more time on this loser. You need to have respect for yourself and understand that you do not deserve this kind of treatment, ever, no matter what!

The best way to prevent this from every happening to you is to hold off on having sex with a guy you are dating until you get into a committed, monogamous relationship. Waiting can be hard, because women have needs too! But you need to protect yourself from the guys out there who only pursue you to get you into bed.

If you make a guy wait and he continues to pursue you, you will know for sure that he is interested in you, and not just sex. Once you have been dating for a while and both of you want to take it to the next level, have a conversation and discuss what being in a relationship means to both of you before you get into a physical relationship.

What To Do If A Man Pulls Away From A Longterm Relationship

There are a few common fears that most men have that factor into why they start to pull away from relationships. Men are afraid of losing their freedom, and they are afraid that you will try to change them. From time to time, they need to pull back and get the space to know that they are not losing their freedom and their identities.

Men and women have fundamental differences in the way they function in a relationship. Women are nurturers and men need to have space to grow closer to you. Taking it personally and questioning why men pull away will only make you feel more hurt and angry.  It is just biological fact that you need to accept.

On a scientific level, men start to feel uneasy when they bond with a woman too much. Bonding releases the love hormone, Oxytocin. In woman, this hormone reduces stress, but for a man, it actually lowers his testosterone levels which can then increase stress. Men need time to pull back from all that bonding and build back their testosterone levels.

This process is often referred to as the “rubber band,” where a man alternates between being close to his partner and pulling away, like a rubber band. The key is not to move towards your man when he is withdrawing, because it creates slack in the rubber band. You want to give him his space and keep the tension in the rubber band so that he eventually snaps back and becomes close to you again.

Just know that it is completely normal for men to need space in a relationship. This is actually how they get closer to you. Remember that old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder? Men sometimes need to spend time apart from you so they can miss you and remember why they loved spending time with you in the first place.

It is not a bad thing for a guy to get a taste of what life is like without you. It will make him appreciate you even more and want to win you back so he never loses you for good. If you give him his space during those times when he needs to feel his freedom again, he is going to feel supported and comfortable enough to come back to you.

So what exactly should you do when he is off enjoying his freedom? Do the same thing! You need to have a life of your own too, so hang out with your friends, catch up on some reading, and just enjoy being you. You are a fabulous woman with a complete and fulfilling life all on your own. You do not need a man to complete you, so just roll with the punches and do not take it personally when your man needs a little space.

Comments

  1. I met this guy through a friend. At first we started texting each other. We did that for about 2 months before we met in person. The first time we met in person he came to my house. I have known a lot of his family for most of my life. We went on our first date and afterwards he came back to my house. That was on a Friday. The following Tuesday-Friday he came to my house to see me. On Saturday we went to NC so that I could meet his Father. The following Thursday he takes me to meet hos Mother. Then his Dad had to have emergency surgery and he had to go to NC for a week. He did not contact me the whole time he was there but time he got back he texted me and let me know he was home. He came over the next day and things were great. I talked to him the following day but haven’t heard from him since. That was a week and a half ago. I know that he lost his job right before his Dad’s surgery, he is facing the possibility of losing a toe because of Diabetes. He is worried that his Dad could die at any minute and that his Dad’s new wife could take everything that his Dad has and he would get nothing. I just don’t know what to think about the fact that he hasn’t responded to any of my calls/texts or that he hasn’t been to see me in over a week.

  2. I honestly dont think that this is at all a legitimate excuse. why should we allow them to be wishy washy and come and go as they please because they can’t handle it? Sure, men and women are a little different. but women are also different from other women and men are different from other men. I think this is just an excuse to let them have control over your emotions and your life. My parents have been together 28 years and sure they have had their differences and arugements but they ALWAYS communicate and let each other know what is going on. and if they needed space, it was a MUTUAL agreement. I just dont think it should be that way, that is no way to live.

  3. I have heard of so many women who have gone through the same scenario but I never thought it would happen to me one day. We were together for six years, we’re both married but before we met, we’re dealing difficulties with our spouses..We started sharing and enjoying so many things. Thought everything would be perfect when this year we finally decided to file divorce both sides.

    We became attached to each other. We travel together, have the same interests, hang out here and there. We became best of friends and we call our relationship as the right love in the wrong time. We had so many plans and dreams, we even never used to fight anymore unlike during our first year.

    We fell in love so deeply until a few weeks ago his wife started giving him troubles, stealing his phone and passport etc… Last tuesday October 22, 2013 at around 2:30 pm last seen him, we had a nice talk, kissing me, teasing me… at around 4:30 I called him to check on him how he’s doing. He said just find and in the job, at 5pm called him back again and he wasn’t able to pick up the phone the way he used to… After a while finally spoke to him and asked if there’s something wrong but he said he just wanted to take a rest and not feeling well so I told him to take medicine and he agreed.

    Around 7pm I tried calling him again but his phone was already off. After so many times of trying, I started to panic and called his friend and he told me he saw him coming out from the job in a great hurry, packed all his things from his locker and dumped so many things. When I found out, I trembled and don’t know what to do next… I kept on waiting for his call the whole night until the next morning. He never did… Unfortunately, until now I never heard anything from him. I am totally helpless since I could not open this up to anybody. It is actually so hard. I can’t even find any answers for my questions and anxieties. I even don’t know what to do until now. Hoping one day, he would give me a call and just say it’s over then I will be fine. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’m so hurt…

  4. I’m going through a divorce and a guy who let me down when I really liked him in high school comes along and swoops me off my feet. Granted he tried to make up for it by asking me to the finale school dance but then he went quiet and only surfaced now. At this stage my marriage is totally over and was when he got into the picture and we moved too fast. We even talked about moving in together and having a baby.. not good I know.

    So we talked about slowing things down and finding ourselves in the relationship. Now he is pulling away all of a sudden. He doesn’t think he will ever want kids and I know I want kids. I’m thinking is it possible to allow mysellf to be let down by the same guy and it really feels like high school all over again.

    He is going through a stressful situation but he doesn’t tell me exactly what is wrong so I can’t help or relate. I know we could be good together but I feel like he has a lot of emotional immaturity issues he needs to work through.

    I am hurt cuz I think I love him or he was a great distraction from my bad divorce situation. I’m not sure which is which. What should I do? I want him back in my life whatever the reason may be I need him back.

    • There may be your first clue in the last thing you said. ..”I need”! Not implying anything but, if you have requested things from him, he may have seen this as demands and imposed threats to his independence (subconsciously) and isn’t mature enough to know how to properly deal with it.

      Dealing with emotions are not taught in schools but just the same, don’t let yourself sit around moping about it! You have major insecurity issues which you need to work on and this guy my come back or not but don’t let him deal you power of being a functioning human being. Yes he is gone, it might be a result of your action (not implying anything, deep down, only you would know) but even so, you deserve better!

      You need to learn to ask three right questions before you invest your heart into someone; “how do you feel about sensitive women?” “As a man, if you feel emotions of threat to your independence, would you be able to talk them through or bolt?” As a man myself, I’m just trying to understand relationship issues myself as I too suffer from “HSP” (Highly Sensitive Person) (which is slowly becoming recognized as by the Mental Health “specialists”.)

      Anyways, my point is, do your home work and like you have done, read up on these things. Google things like what you’ve already started, but use clue words from some answers you’ve read to lead to your next question AND don’t just ask the girly questions, put yourself in a guys shoes, ask similar questions from a man’s perspective, get inside his mind “why are women so insecure? ” or “how can a man express his emotions/share his emotions with a woman?”

      From the answer, you can develop your own questions to get a better understanding of your next potential date. Turn it into a fun game like a trivial pursuit and not make it uncomfortable. Take your time with it and don’t have sex until you’re comfortable with your results or bare in mind that it’s just fulfilling your needs to and express out to him. “There may be a chance that you may bolt after I give myself to you, but that’s ok as I have my needs too!” Don’t put pressure on him by asking “are you going to just do me and run like the others!?!” Again, insecurities!

  5. I feel so bad that I did not understood he was pulling back. It started two weeks ago when he did not write me messages! Later it was like he ran from me and finally he stopped answering me and visiting me!

    I feel bad that I sticked to him all the time and asked him what’s wrong. I didn’t know it was a pull back so I’m afraid it will last forever :(

    I feel so alone without him. I am so tired of waiting! Sometimes I think I have to find another man!!

  6. Hi there, this is very interesting. I would like you to advise me… I met a guy a long time ago. We used to share an apartment, but then we weren’t friends. He didn’t talk to me and I hated talking to him as well.

    Later, I moved out and we didn’t see each other anymore. One day I met him on my way coming home from the market and he gave me his number. From there we started talking to each other. We both fell in love within a month. I could not withhold my self from him. We had sex and it was fantastic. To be honest, I really enjoyed this guy to the fullest.

    I wanted him to move in with me but he said no. He said, we just started dating and he wanted to know me properly. Suddenly, this guy totally changed. He stopped calling me like before and started arguing with me all the time. I am really in love with this guy. What can I do to win his heart?

    • Adrienne Mansfield says:

      It sounds like you came on too strong with this guy by asking him to move in. It was too much, too soon, and it probably scared him off.

      You started getting serious and planning for the future before he had reached that point. He realized you were more invested in the relationship than he was, so he pulled away. Relationships can unravel when one person jumps too far ahead of the other person.

      When guys make a commitment, they need to feel like it was their choice. They don’t want to feel pressured or roped into something. One of their biggest fears in relationships is losing their freedom.

      If you push something on a guy too soon, like moving in together, he’s not going to feel like it was his choice and he’ll start to feel his freedom slipping away.

      In this situation, I’d recommend giving him space. Stay busy and keep your options open by dating other guys. Don’t be too available and he’ll start getting interested again. Show him that you’re a hot commodity and he’s got to commit to you if he doesn’t want to lose you.

  7. Hello beautiful ladies. I have been in your situations before and I know how anxious you feel. The way to fix it is for you to pull back. Put him in perspective, he is a nice guy but he is not the be all and end all of your life so stop making him into that. Get back into your own groove and be fabulous at being YOU. Stop reaching out to him, let him contact you, let the space between you grow so he can breathe again and so he can miss you. If he truly cares he will come back to you and maybe even start wondering if you have pulled back. Life is too short to spend you day worrying about him and it isn’t healthy to do that anyway. Lots of Love xoxo

    • It is truly frustrating and difficult to understand why when things seem to be going so well, that the man suddenly seems withdrawn and distant. As a first step, try and think about things he may have said – about a big work project deadline looming, family illness, troubles with a friend or at home – these may contribute to his withdrawal, and the best support is just an occasional “thinking of you, wish i could help!” or some type of easy message that does not require a response, just indicates your sweet support.

      If you notice he is online, but still not responding to you – remember he is a man, with ego – strong man, able to support his woman – he cannot really send you a whiny weak message, so he prefers to wait until he has sorted out things on his own (maybe with friends and family who have seen him in this weak mode).

      Don’t take it personally, just wait. Just like you put makeup on and fix your hair and clothes to look good for you man, he wants to be strong and in control of his life with you – and needs time to get things sorted so he feels ready to be with you again.

      If you cannot think of any reason that he might be focused elsewhere – do consider the option that maybe, just maybe, he is moving on from you. Think of a situation in the past where you met a guy, thought he would be great, and then started thinking “maybe not so great for me after all” and you slowly backed off the guy, so as not to lead him on further.

      You remain polite, but you keep your distance, late responses to texts, not answering phone calls, etc. You may even wish he would just stop contacting you, no? He would be confused as well in the beginning, but naturally he will move on from you when he realizes feelings are not reciprocated.

      You need to do the very same thing here. Stop all contact, let him go. You may never know why he decided you are not for him, and actually it does not really matter – just take the signals and move on gracefully, with dignity. Tell your friends quite honestly you have no idea why he suddenly went cold, but that you don’t have time to waste to try and figure it out and that you are ready to go out and live life to the fullest!

      It is not easy, we know, but really the sooner you make that decision in your heart, the easier it will be to move on – and the faster your heart will be open to meet someone else. Good luck ladies!

  8. Yes. I am right here. This situation is to the “T” where I’m at.

    We have been dating for 5 months. We’re fighting a lot for the third month.. then things were okay, but then lots of things like work and getting a bad case of the flu, broken leg, things came up and for the past 5 weeks it’s been pretty touchy. And he asked me for space. And I am giving it to him. But every second feels like a month, every hour is a year. I just hope that this time apart is not.. the end. :(

  9. Great article. I get this happens but how long is too long for a man to pull back? I guess what I’m really asking is when you know to just walk away? My very close guy friend of 15 years is now my bf…but he’s pulled away. He’s been responsive if I text (staying sweet) but I have not seen him in a wk. I kind of wonder if that is normal. I could see 2-4 days but a week? I feel sad and unsure if we want the same thing. I am however going to give him his space. Why does everyday have to feel like a month, even staying busy! He even said last week he’s sorry for being a bad bf right now. I’m so confused!

Speak Your Mind

*