eHarmony recently posted a list of men’s ten biggest complaints about women.
The author says, “men have complained about these problems in various male-oriented forums before, but here, now, I drag their 10 biggest complaints into the daylight so that everyone can finally see how women make complainers out of men.”
Let’s take a look at the list and I’ll break each one down:
1.You like to play coy
Nobody really likes game-playing, yet we all seem to do it. Guys want you to let them know if you like them, and if not, don’t let them waste their time.
Perhaps you’re thinking men like the chase, so you’re pretending you don’t care but secretly hoping he’ll chase after you.
Guys do like the chase, but you’ve still got to give them an indication that you like them and there’s something worth chasing down.
2. You fixate on what we’re thinking, when you should be watching what we’re doing
Guys aren’t the best communicators when it comes to feelings and emotions. They’re more action-oriented, so pay attention to his actions more than his ability to communicate.
Here are some examples:
- He doesn’t call back even though he says he likes you. This probably means he doesn’t like you.
- He’s not interested in sex. This probably means he’s under a lot of stress.
- He’s coming home late at night. This is a sure sign he’s not happy at home.
Bottom line is that men don’t really communicate in the same ways that women do. If you learn to accept that, you’ll agonize a lot less over it.
3. You don’t understand and/or like our need for alone time
Men need time to be men. They need to have passions and hobbies and be complete people on their own, outside of the relationship.
Men also typically need more space in relationships than women do. When they bond with us, they experience a drop in testosterone and that increases stress levels.
For this reason, men actually need time to pull away from the relationship to regroup and build up their testosterone again.
This is completely normal, but it often creates anxiety for women. When women bond with men, they feel a high from the love hormone, oxytocin. They want to be around them all the time to keep that high going.
If you accept that men need their alone time without letting it make you insecure, the relationship will thrive. After all, the more time a guy spends away from you, the more he’s going to miss you and appreciate you.
4. You have a complicated set of double standards
These complaints can really apply to both men and women. But here’s an example of how this applies to women. Let’s say you offer to split the check, but when the guy says yes you hold it against him.
Or maybe you demand to be in on all important decisions, but when your man asks what you want do tonight you get mad because he isn’t taking charge of the situation.
Men are guilty of double standards too as we all know. I guess it just comes down to choosing your battles and giving your guy a break every now and then.
5. You want us to change, and then lose respect for us when we do
This is a common problem. Women often have the desire to change men and turn them into someone they’re not.
The problem is, when you change a guy, he’s no longer the guy that you were attracted to in the first place.
The example given is a woman who didn’t like that her guy was in a band. She was worried about the attention he would get from women. So he quit the band for her, and then she was less attracted to him because he quit and just did what she asked.
Decide what you’re looking for in a guy and date someone who fits the bill, rather than trying to change someone later on.
6. You see us as projects you can “fix”
This is one of the biggest fears men have in relationships and one of the major reasons men fear commitment. They think women are going to try to change them.
You’ve got to appreciate your man for who he is, not the potential he has. This is similar to the previous complaint. If you change your guy, he’s no longer going to be the man you were attracted to in the first place.
If you support your guy and embrace all his qualities, good and bad, he’s going to feel more freedom in the relationship. When you give him the freedom to be himself, he’s not going to want to let you go.
7. Your expectations are set by Hollywood and sky high
There’s a reason women read romance novels and watch sappy movies. It’s the fantasy. But real men aren’t necessarily going to make these kinds of big romantic gestures.
The point here is that sometimes a guy just does something like changing your tires when he notices the treads are low. Acknowledging these kinds of things will make your man feel appreciated, even if it wasn’t the kind of gesture your fantasies are made of.
8. You’re always looking down the road
Thinking too far ahead into the future can kill a relationship before it even starts. The advice here is to enjoy the here and now and stop worrying about the future of the relationship.
Part of this boils down to biology. Women have a biological clock, so they naturally have concerns about where the relationship is going. Men don’t have that same pressure and are more about living in the moment.
It’s fine to think about the future of a relationship, just don’t jump the gun and scare your man off. Keep those thoughts to yourself for a while and try to enjoy the moment.
9. You use your emotions as a weapon
If you’re having an important conversation about the relationship, tears are a sure way to disarm any man. But is that really what you want? Do you want him to feel bad and just be nice to you to get you to stop crying?
Sometimes we can’t help but cry, and guys can’t help but freeze up and not know how to handle the situation. But if you’re using tears to manipulate a guy, that’s not cool.
10. You have a tendency to be critical
The basic idea here is that women are nags and men have to hide away in their man caves to escape all that nagging.
It’s a cliché. The wife complains and makes demands, and then they husband wants to be left alone and work out in the garage.
Sure, women are guilty of nagging sometimes. However, men are just as guilty of doing the things that drive women to nag them.
It’s a fine line here and comes down to picking your battles. Chances are, you’re not going to change whatever it is you’re nagging about, so learn to accept it or move on.
So there you have it. These are the top 10 complaints men have about women. Chances are you are guilty of something on this list and perhaps can see things from a guy’s perspective now.
To read the original eHarmony article, click here.