Are you sick of your man telling lies all the time? He lies about “working late” when he really went out with the guys for a beer. He lies about what he really wants and how he really feels.
He lies so easily about trivial things that you start to wonder if he lies about bigger things as well.
It’s an age-old question that women all over the world ask: “why do men lie?” Men lie for a variety of reasons, and some are the very same reasons women lie. In actuality, we all lie at times, so don’t be too hard on your man just yet.
Let’s take a look at some of the most common reasons men lie to women so you can start to understand ways to create more open and honest communication in your relationship.
1. To Avoid Drama
Have you have ever gotten upset and reacted dramatically when you’re man told you the truth about how he felt or what he wanted from the relationship?
Would you be surprised to learn that now your man just sugarcoats things and tells you what you want to hear to avoid facing more drama?
Men quickly learn to adapt their behavior to keep the peace. If he can tell a little white lie to avoid drama and make his life easier, why would he ever want to tell you the truth?
If there’s no perceived upside to telling you the truth in a given situation, why would a man want to be honest? This is true of both men and women when it comes lying. We all just want to make things easier for ourselves.
2. To Avoid Getting Caught
Nobody wants to get caught doing something they know they shouldn’t and have to face the music. This is human nature and it’s true of both men and women.
However, men have a particular way of twisting things around and putting the blame on you. He’ll pull out all the excuses in the book and swear he just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. However, this is usually man-speak for he really didn’t want to deal with your anger after you busted him.
If you catch your man doing something shady, the reality is that he would not have done it in the first place if he didn’t want to hurt your feelings. He lied because he wanted to save his own skin, plain and simple.
3. To Get Out Of Doing Things
Men will lie to get out of doing undesirable tasks, such as household chores or errands. If you ask your man to pick up a few groceries on his way home from work, he might suddenly have to stay late.
Or maybe he conveniently forgets to do things, because he knows you’ll end up doing it yourself. Why do those pesky chores when he knows you’ll end up doing them for him?
Men don’t like any sort of pressure to do things they don’t want to do. The more pressure you put on them, the more they accuse you of nagging.
It is wise to choose your battles and bring up those pesky tasks on the honey do list at a time when your man is relaxed and feeling stress-free.
4. Past Conditioning From Old Girlfriends
Sometimes men have had negative experiences with their exes and have been conditioned to lie to avoid drama.
For example, if a man always got flack from his ex-girlfriend for spending too much time with the guys, he might have become accustomed to lying about it.
So now, he might tell you he’s staying late at the office when he’s really going out for happy hour with his friends.
In this case, he’s lying because the woman that came before you made his life difficult every time he told the truth about where he was.
5. He’s Insecure
Sometimes men lie simply because they are insecure about the truth. They want to impress you so they put up a front. They think if you knew the truth, you would no longer be interested in them.
Men who are insecure might lie about their age or their jobs. They might put up ten-year-old pictures on their online profiles back when they had hair and were fifteen pounds thinner.
It’s natural for everyone to experience some insecurity, but lying about yourself is not the best way to build a relationship. An insecure man who lies about trivial things is much more likely to lie about more important things.
How To Have More Open And Honest Communication In Your Relationship
Now that we’ve looked at some of the most common reasons men lie to women, here is how to get your man to start being more truthful.
The best way to encourage a man to be honest is to make him feel safe to do so. It’s one thing to say you won’t get mad or create drama, but do your actions live up to your promises?
From now on, make an effort to stay calm and express your feelings in a constructive way the next time you get upset by something your man says. Don’t make his life miserable just for being honest about something.
Once your man knows you can handle honesty and not bring the drama or punish him for it, he’s going to start opening up and be more truthful with you.
Please leave a comment below to share your personal experiences or let us know why you think men lie
About Adrienne Mansfield
I was involved in a deep relationship with a man who lost his job. He didn’t tell me and got dressed and went “to the office” for weeks until the day I called and they said he didn’t work there. I found out later he was hanging out in bars.
This isn’t exactly a “white lie.”
Has anyone had such an experience? Any why would someone do that?
He did it because he didn’t want to face you and admit failure.
My husband lies all the time about trivial stuff, it just makes me very angry how do I deal with this
I have recent discovered the 2years I had with my partner was total lies. When we meant through work friends he told me that he was unhappy in this marriage got married young as they ended up having a kid when 17 and that he had try to make it work, but it haven’t and he liked me and wanted to be honest that they setup was early days in sorting out a divorce.He has meant all my family and mates and told my mum how much he loved me and was doing everything possible to get things sorted for us. The fact he would spend 2or 3 evening staying at mine I fell for the whole we have to live together till divorce sorted bit different beds! Last week he turned round and said he the divorce will be finalised in few weeks and wife moving out but doesn’t know if he wants that. I felt the world fall apart, each time I have asked why the whole thing was taking so long there was already some reason. They agreed a date for her to move in feb and that date when by – I honestly now think I was just a bit on the side even those he claims that’s not the case. I have asked if he wants to make his marriage work and he said he does know. He said he has no intentions of telling his wife about me as what’s the point it would only hurt her. My advice for anyone don’t fall for someone who says over and over they love you and getting a divorce and never shown you any evidence paperwork dates for next meeting – I believed he loved me and he didn’t want to hurt anyone and get it sorted before tell her and some other family members. Some were aware of me or I had met. I was a total fool and I’m the other person hurt from this.
I have a friend who lied to me through our whole relationship in my past. I had a baby from him be cuz I loved him so much why did I love him so is beyond me. I see him now and I feel sorry for him I see him as an enslaved selfish ass . he has a big problem with lieng and cheating. After reading comments I can’t stand liers
as like men we avoid to be caught and get out of doing things and to avoid drama. I james, when dating a girl we most give them sweat word to put them in box.
My husband’s lied to me about actions he’s done or ehat his ex said on one occasion and has purposely acted out before our marriage leaving evidence for me to find expecting me to go thru his emails which had never happened even a lot after till we got married and i stumbled on them cus they were right there on the screen in blaring black and white. However for over a year after marriage the worst he did was lie about asking if his kid was sick before she visited.. Now its like.. first he seemed uninterested in hearing my emotions, started drinking WAY more often. Then started arguing tons while drunk over crap thats irrelevant to anything. Now he’s lying about checking in with his female co worker to say he made it home safe. … now my suspicion has reached the point in monitoring today. I can’t stand the idea or actions of him lying like that. Avoid drama? Half true in his case. That’s pretty wtf no matter the angle I look at it or strait on. I cant help but sit there and point at it as Im in lack of any rational explaination other than obvious interests and romance starting slowly.
Ugh! I don’t believe in Divorce, just my luck this crap happens.
I dont really agree with some of these reasons. Men if you want to keep your better half then maybe dont lie, dont cheat, dont hide porn, and dont check out other woman infront of yours. My fiance lies about little silly things which i can deal with i suppose its funny watching him attempt it. But recently i have found porn on his phone to which he swore down on our sons life that it wasnt him and he has no interest, now it could have been a pop up or whatever but would a man go to that extent to lie? If so, thats disgusting and so unbelievably disrespectful to our son. He doesnt eye woman up, he even turns away at sex scenes in movies which is odd. I have had problens trusting him from the beginning because he was acting like an ass trying not to get too close to me, so i done the same with him. But now were engaged and have a son together its no more playing games and he is a bit different from your usual guy so i dont know if i should believe him or not. He knows my feelings when it comes to porn and he insists he has no interest in looking at it.
At first he ws so honest and i fuly trusted him but now he can even lie about going toilet thats make me angry,i tried to talk to him without me geting angry but its a habit,now i think if i lie to him may be hel feel that its not good being told lies,the worst thing is he always expect me to believ anything he say without asking many questions that broke my trust for him and its hurting living with someone you can’t trust
I have been dating with a man over a year as in friend in benefit.. when I remember when I first met him few years ago and we came back again last year … it was like on and off thing… whenever he need me.. thing have change the way he spoke about his house…. saying come to my mate place.. im like what.. why he say that… that is actually his place from the moment right at the beginning of where we met… he shows me thing around the house belong him and car… he change it now… not my house it my mate.. not my bike,,, it is nice… especially on the phone to someone.. he wasn’t actually talking to someone and he sometimes on the phone and went into the other room.. I know he is talking to some birds.. … I can sense it.. I past all that shit.. I have no feeling or any connection with him as he has hurt me in the past.. I used to fancy him and I was feeling in love… not cos he has everything I wanted.. I only like him for him.. that all… . he hasn’t been entirely honest..
it was funny last week ago he remove his name fridge magnet and chuck in the fridge when he was getting the milk out.. doesn’t want me to recognize it… I watched and he did that.. I said to him what are u doing. he said im getting a milk for your tea.. I said u have move ur name off the fridge.. he said what do u mean… he lies and knew what I was on about… I did some background report online… that house was his and his name is on the board… he lies lot completely.. I know the fact he doesn’t want relationship or to have kids. im 37 and he is 50… come on he need to grow up… I once got pregnant by him last year. he lied about had a snip … I don’t know why im still seeing the guy to have fun with until I meet someone is mr right.. whatever happened in a good term to have mr right in my life I will then dump him soon… I hate someone to lies. or not being honest… I hate someone to lead me on…. why.. ..
I have no interest in anybody to feel the need to be love and connection anymore.. I feel im in different person… I feel I don’t really care about it… which kinda good thing when u don’t have to get too close and personal with a guy u really like so much…. I used to once .. not anymore… I happy to enjoy the company with and that that…
I used to talk to this guy who lies about small things. He lives in another state makes me wonder how true is everything he told me. very frustrating that he has to lie about the smallest little details. His lies are pointless and stupid. Man!
My husband of 18 years had a affair 2 years ago.When he started the affair he stopped talking to me for 2 months and took his cell off are cell contract.I was left with a $300.00 bill to pay and i had to borrow money from a friend to pay it and to keep it on.At the time i was diagnosis with a disease and had to stop working.So i had to rely on husnand for income.But he cut me off from that and i had to move in with my daughter.After 4 months he broke off the affair.Things havent been good between us since.i did therapy and that helped but i still have moments like for example..lately he has been hard to get a hold of..recently for 2 hours he didnt anser his cell ir text messages i sent him and when i asked him y he ignored my calls etc he got defensive.he said his cell died and couldnt plug it in to charge it.where were u i asked him and he eventually said at the office and when i said if u wre at the office ucan plug the cell there.again he got defensive with me and said i never believe what he tells me and left the house
My husband lies CONSTANTLY. He started our relationship off by telling me he was divorced and he wasn’t. He said he was getting a divorce but I think they were still together. More lies after that and now I’m contemplating ALL the time about leaving. I’m no longer in love with him really. I just keep waiting for the right time to get on my feet and leave him. He’s disrespectful, rude, and most of this behavior stems from insecurity. I think he suffered major emotional abuse and neglect from his parents. But at 42 it’s time to grow up!! I’ll never get involved like this again if there are signs of lying. I’ve allowed him to ruin my life. I think he’s evil to the core. Pay attention to red flags.
I have been dating a guy on and off for 3 years, he lied to me A LOT in the past, mostly because he was doing things that I didn’t like and so would lie to cover up and avoid drama. I found out, and don’t think I can ever let it go. He still continues to cover things up, and he continues to say it’s because he feels he can’t tell me things beacuse I’ll overreact. But he rearely tries! Every time we seem to be going well, I find out something that he has been keeping from me, so I question him, and that leads to arguments! Why do I feel like its all my fault!
Wow! I’m shocked at the responses on here regarding lying. Men and women who think it’s okay to lie even about small things are seriously cheating themselves and prolonging what can possibly be a great relationship. A lie is a lie. You’re forgetting the underlying meaning of the word. If you feel the need to lie to someone on a regular basis just to keep them happy then you’re either a pussy with no thoughts of your own or are just lying to yourself the fact that you’re with the wrong person.
If my husband doesn’t like my boots…he’ll say so…but not in a mean way that I would take offense. He’ll say “babe those boots are not doin it for me” and smile. I love his approach and appreciate his honesty. If I don’t like his shirt I’ll do the same. We don’t lie to each other and I never catch him in even small lies. We’re too vocal and honest…but in a good way.
I think most people just settle for people who aren’t suited to them and make up every excuse in the book for bad behavior. These things are easy to spot when you’re dating and I find it incredible that people marry with issues like this. If she gets mad at you for stupid things find someone who doesn’t…if he lies to you about every little thing find someone who doesn’t. Good grief it isn’t rocket science people.
I understand why they lie. But they keep lying, even when they know we know. There’s always an excuse…
But isn’t it better to say the truth and face the drama, instead of lying and dealing with that all the time. The more they tell the truth, more we will trust them and create less drama.
After getting many lies from my boyfriend, I started to learn how he lies, his body language, his type of lies… and he knows it, but he keeps doing it. Maybe I am the stupid not brave enough to end it all, or walk away…
They make us believe they will change, they won’t lie again… and we keep having hope and keep getting disappointed.
Guys should know this: “If a woman asks you a question, it’s better to tell her the truth. Chances are she’s asking you because she already knows the answer.”
So my boyfriend comes to live with me Feb 1st of this year, its now Oct. Over the months in between I noticed he was having contact with women on our mutually shared fb page. Ex: I checked fb one day and saw a message from some lady saying omg, I just saw this, call me and she left her number. When I asked who she was he said she was his ex and he had no idea how she found him.
Then one day a message on fb to say some different woman named kelly (who he cheated on me with several years ago with) accepted a friend request, he swore he was drunk the night before and had no recollection searching for her. Anyways, 2 others he searched for with the same excuses… THEN, yesterday, fb sends me a random message to check out my activity log, I didnt know there was such a thing, so come to find out he’s been lying to me this whole time, and has been searching for them since feb 20th… lookung up all these women’s names 9-10 times a day…
The thing that stands out to me is that you said he cheated on you several years ago. If he’s still searching out other women, that’s not a good sign. It seems like he hasn’t changed his ways.
Great now I feel guilty about my husband’s lying habits…. So I push him into lying cause I get upset when he does or says something stupid… It’s always the women’s fault… I guess we need to treat our men like we treat our children, childish and not fully developed.
No, it’s not your fault that your husband lies. Avoiding drama is one possible reason why men lie, but that doesn’t mean that’s why your man is lying.
If your husband is lying to avoid drama, it doesn’t mean that you pushed him into lying or that it’s your fault. It just means that you need to work on communicating better.
My previous relationships have all ended as the direct result of my significant other being unfaithful. When I was 21 – 27 my level of self confidence and independence gave me all the strength or “back bone” I needed to move on before the cheater could say booty call.
Now at 34, I have become the opposite of my younger look alike, a stay at home mom/house maid/slave/gofer ect. All the benefits for him without the commitment. I’m starting to fully understand what my daddy meant by “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” And why not cheat if there are no consequences or repurcussions? Possibly no conscience either….
So my question is how does a person know when to say it’s over? I have given more than enough chances and put up a very good fight. Do I give it one more last try or do I say I’m done?
If I didn’t mention this yes I have had sufficient proof fall into my lap about 5-11 times, without having to look or dig to catch my current cheater. I stayed because I was madly in love with him. I am beginning to fall out of love with myself, that can’t be healthy. Maybe I just answered my own question..
Thanks
Hillary
Hillary I think you are a wise woman and you’ve just got caught up with the wrong man. The most significant thing I read was at the end of your comment when you said you are “beginning to fall out of love with myself.” I agree that is not healthy!
You’ve got to love yourself and take care of yourself first and foremost. You know what you deserve and you should not settle for anything less. Think about it this way, if you love yourself, would you let yourself experience this?
I think you already know that it’s time to say it’s over, and only you can make that decision.
I am a 20 year old married lady, I have a short fuse but I don’t understand why telling the truth is so hard??? Yeah I may be annoyed but not half as annoyed as I am when I find out (and I’m pretty clever and always find out) when you’ve lied!!! However my husband lies about little things.. And now I’m starting to wonder if that’s the only thing he’s lying about! I’ve been hurt in the past and this is usually how it starts!!
I feel you, been married to an active liar 14 years … Sometimes he makes up crazy stories after we had a argument about something stupid he did just so I could take my mind off what he did wrong. Sometimes he really gets me worried and upset until I start reading his body language and as I ask more details I realize he’s again lying …. Ps it never ends
We lie because you can’t handle the truth. More accurately no one can handle some truths.
Spraying a machine gun at me every time I tell you something you don’t want to hear… that is avoided by sugar coating some things.
Oh and don’t ask questions you know you are not going to like the answer to. That leads to a lie and a lecture about lying.
And of course lying is always fun. The truth sometimes is boring.
Oh btw, I don’t lie. 😛 Like that’s true.
Everyone lies about somethings every once in a while and women aren’t the only ones that get dramatic men do to. So who is really to blame? Who really knows! I mean there are different types of lies and some shouldn’t be used and those are the ones cowards use, but the little white lies get over it! And get over yourself! If someone you lies to you about something small, stop and think about a time you lied to someone or maybe the same person that is lying to you. No one is perfect. I definitely aint but I don’t pretend that I never have lied before.