Are you sick of your man telling lies all the time? He lies about “working late” when he really went out with the guys for a beer. He lies about what he really wants and how he really feels.
He lies so easily about trivial things that you start to wonder if he lies about bigger things as well.
It’s an age-old question that women all over the world ask: “why do men lie?” Men lie for a variety of reasons, and some are the very same reasons women lie. In actuality, we all lie at times, so don’t be too hard on your man just yet.
Let’s take a look at some of the most common reasons men lie to women so you can start to understand ways to create more open and honest communication in your relationship.
1. To Avoid Drama
Have you have ever gotten upset and reacted dramatically when you’re man told you the truth about how he felt or what he wanted from the relationship?
Would you be surprised to learn that now your man just sugarcoats things and tells you what you want to hear to avoid facing more drama?
Men quickly learn to adapt their behavior to keep the peace. If he can tell a little white lie to avoid drama and make his life easier, why would he ever want to tell you the truth?
If there’s no perceived upside to telling you the truth in a given situation, why would a man want to be honest? This is true of both men and women when it comes lying. We all just want to make things easier for ourselves.
2. To Avoid Getting Caught
Nobody wants to get caught doing something they know they shouldn’t and have to face the music. This is human nature and it’s true of both men and women.
However, men have a particular way of twisting things around and putting the blame on you. He’ll pull out all the excuses in the book and swear he just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. However, this is usually man-speak for he really didn’t want to deal with your anger after you busted him.
If you catch your man doing something shady, the reality is that he would not have done it in the first place if he didn’t want to hurt your feelings. He lied because he wanted to save his own skin, plain and simple.
3. To Get Out Of Doing Things
Men will lie to get out of doing undesirable tasks, such as household chores or errands. If you ask your man to pick up a few groceries on his way home from work, he might suddenly have to stay late.
Or maybe he conveniently forgets to do things, because he knows you’ll end up doing it yourself. Why do those pesky chores when he knows you’ll end up doing them for him?
Men don’t like any sort of pressure to do things they don’t want to do. The more pressure you put on them, the more they accuse you of nagging.
It is wise to choose your battles and bring up those pesky tasks on the honey do list at a time when your man is relaxed and feeling stress-free.
4. Past Conditioning From Old Girlfriends
Sometimes men have had negative experiences with their exes and have been conditioned to lie to avoid drama.
For example, if a man always got flack from his ex-girlfriend for spending too much time with the guys, he might have become accustomed to lying about it.
So now, he might tell you he’s staying late at the office when he’s really going out for happy hour with his friends.
In this case, he’s lying because the woman that came before you made his life difficult every time he told the truth about where he was.
5. He’s Insecure
Sometimes men lie simply because they are insecure about the truth. They want to impress you so they put up a front. They think if you knew the truth, you would no longer be interested in them.
Men who are insecure might lie about their age or their jobs. They might put up ten-year-old pictures on their online profiles back when they had hair and were fifteen pounds thinner.
It’s natural for everyone to experience some insecurity, but lying about yourself is not the best way to build a relationship. An insecure man who lies about trivial things is much more likely to lie about more important things.
How To Have More Open And Honest Communication In Your Relationship
Now that we’ve looked at some of the most common reasons men lie to women, here is how to get your man to start being more truthful.
The best way to encourage a man to be honest is to make him feel safe to do so. It’s one thing to say you won’t get mad or create drama, but do your actions live up to your promises?
From now on, make an effort to stay calm and express your feelings in a constructive way the next time you get upset by something your man says. Don’t make his life miserable just for being honest about something.
Once your man knows you can handle honesty and not bring the drama or punish him for it, he’s going to start opening up and be more truthful with you.
Please leave a comment below to share your personal experiences or let us know why you think men lie
About Adrienne Mansfield
“Once your man knows you can handle honesty and not bring the drama or punish him for it, he’s going to start opening up and be more truthful with you”
I believe this is good advice. I will try to not be as hard on him when things go awry.
Compulsive lying can just be one sign of something much bigger. Much bigger and very mentally dentramental to the victim of these abusers. Does your partner lie to about anything and everything? Lying just for the sake of lying?Lying just to see if the can manipulate you? Do they ever confess to the lie if caught or continue with the lie to the point they are so convincing they could make u question yourself even with proof in ur hand. Do they try and change the subject and turn it around on to you? Do they repeated cheat? Is everything your fault? Nothing – and me mean NOTHING- is ever their fault? Can’t take responsibility for what they do? Are they incredibly charming? Good with their words? Do they an uncanny ability to take what you say to them and twist it and turn it so as to confuse you or to take the focus way from them and place on you? I use to say mine could sell ice to an Eskimo. He had the perfect career… he was a used car salesman, could get much more perfect then that! Have addictions? Drugs? Sex? Porn? Are they impulsive and often put themselves into reckless situations? No remorse? Are all their exs “crazy?” Do you feel like your going “crazy?” Do they often tell you they don’t like drama but drama seems to follow them everywhere? Is he easily bored? If any of these things sounds to you…. (please PLEASE) google sociopath or antisocial personality disorders. Sadly these people will never change and can do incredible amounts of damage (mentally & physically) to their victims.
I lied to a girl I was seeing about my kid because she said she wasn’t in to men with kids. I have pics of my daughter in my house and on my Instagram which is how she found out.
I’ve apologized already should I just leave her alone
I was in a relationship for 11 years we live together we didn’t live together he always went back home to his mom he always has an excuse he never told the truth was just nothing but lies lies lies he wanted me he didn’t want me is all head games I just feel that they do it because they still want their freedom they just don’t want to be with one person because they’re not ready to but be smart don’t stay in the relationship like I did and for him just to tell you toodles and never call you ever again and just make you feel like it okay when it’s not and basically doesn’t end there he also was always on the internet always always always he try to hide it he wake up with it and it’s like I never existed it was ridiculous and always accusing me that I was doing wrong when I was not and it’s obvious he had a big problem he’s addicted to p*** lies and just what’s the point in life it’s all good but in reality it’s on him because he’s insecure and he lost the best thing me and I know for a fact he will never ever be satisfied with anybody he’s with because he just doesn’t know how he’s just a taker not a giver just takes and sucks you dry.
I am in a relationship just like that …he would call me 24/7 to find out where i am. If am in a bus traveling and he calls and i answer he would keep me on the phone until i reach by him.. anyone say hi to me i f****ing with them i will call me all names and tells me i am wicked and he hate me come out of his house …wenvwe go out i have to be like a puppet and keep my head one place or he will embraced me i live in hell ..he is very abusive omg i dont know what to do and say about him …he would watch me just so with hateful eyes and them start accuseing me with sleeping with men all dirty things …can someone tell me whats wrong with him why is he treating me that way i am a good person i just need someone to love me and live happy ….
Written good and well. I have this kind of man too which is exactly you have describe. When ask whether i should meet him at house, he will say he is out with mum somewhere far. But get caught by me as i am calling him from his home car park with his car in front of me. I send text to him a photo of his car from my handphone at that very same time. He change the topic said that he just reach home. When i confronted him he would spoke loudly i have accused him and all kind of jass. I called him from my mobile asking him how could he drove in high speed thru and flow with such a short time frame. His lies ready disappoint me. i told him, his car was still in the same position when i first saw early when i have pass by. Only is that i did not get up my car to touch his car engine whether is hot or still cold.
Even worst later in the evening he text me that my hand phone message time reflected wrongly. THIS CAUSES ME EVEN MORE ANGRY> i then send him a video clip song singing (LOVE IS OVER)
We have a son, 18mo now. Yet everytime dad has an over night, he lies to me about things revolving aeound our sons wellbeing. The latest was if he had given him fresh milk in his bottle that day, he told me yes.. but his other 10yr old son had been with him all day and spoke up saying ‘no! Its the same milk’ i had to ask the dad again, ‘did you give him fresh milk?’ His answer.. ‘i guess not..’ … how do you not know if you gave your son a fresh bottle or not through out the day?, and why are you lying about it.. that child is just as much yours and mine. Yet you dont seem to care if he gets sick, its always little lies like this that seem to get him out of doing things for his family.. but it never registers to him that all these lies and mistrust make my job harder as a mother, and harder to feel comfortable with him taking the child… is he lying just to make his life easier? And if so, should i stay with him knowing all he does is make my life harder??
Everyday is another stupid lie.. like if he changed his diaper… cause i wont find that one out the next time i go to change our son… should this attitude be tollerated?
This behavior should never be acceptable. Your both parents, he needs to step his game up. Seems to me, he is a bit lazy. For him not to be concerned about his child’s well-being is a red flag, getting out of doing family things is a lousy excuse. I would never tolerate such a thing. You need to lay the law down, when it’s his visiting time. You have to be able to trust he is going to take 100% care of your child no matter what. I hope his lying changes. & Things start to look up for you. I’ll keep you guys in my prayers.
Well I THINK THE so called DRAMA IS BC of the lies.. Be a person of your word… LIES ruin relationships MATTER the kind.. Stop ruining lives… For me it’s unnecessary when your PLAYING games with others FEELINGS emotions..Nobody want to be HURT.. Grow up and be real STOP wasting PPL TIME it waits on no one..
I’m this cool girl who is okay with my boyfriend hanging out with his friends. We’ve been in a relationship for 5 years now and quite recently he has begun lying to me. He went out with his friends and lied to me that he was at work( they went for coffee) . I really don’t understand why he is lying to me for such silly reasons for which I never get upset or create any drama. Every now and then he tells me about going out with friends but at times he lies. Why is this?
Why do men lie?? I dont know, maybe the same reason women do..lol. Here we go with more of the double standard hypocrisy. I’m 45 and have only dated one women who didnt lie.
I actually had one women literally tell me if i expected to meet a women that would never lie to me i was in for a long wait. Now i think that is ridiculous but just making a point.
Why didnt we choose the title,”Why do people lie?”.
Im shocked.
Another feminine cape crusader!!
Well I just feel the best thing you can do to a woman is LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I recently told my girlfriend I did not want to marry her now because first I am not yet financially stable and that I had never wanted to marry her in the first place. I was just repeating that because I had told her a million times. Besides I did not want to keep her hoping so much on me while wasting her youthful years. Guess what I got from her. All sorts of insults, and yet she keeps hoping.
Recently I went on a date with a female colleague and while we drank together, I told her I was happy she came from the same region like me because my mum would like that I marry somebody from my region of origin. She insulted me bitterly and said she had nothing to do with Mums son. What else do you want me to do to this girls apart from telling what is untrue?
I think the best answer is that men lie to avoid drama. Women ask loaded questions the answers to which they want to hear.
The title of this article is inaccurate. Boys tell lies. A real man does not. BIG difference. There are too many emotionally stunted boys parading around in adult bodies misrepresenting themselves as men. Learn to spot the difference before you get involved.
My bf went out with someone from work before (they live 1 minute away from each other), everyone at work knows that she fancies him more than he fancies her.
We met, got together and he only sees her at work now. But recently i have been away a few weekends and I found out he has been cycling with her, for a few hours only in the local area. They used to do this before they split up. It’s innocent but it’s the fact that he didn’t tell me.
I must say if he told me I would get upset (see article! avoid drama and i know it’s true). I dont want him to know that I know coz I found out by going through his phone.
I am worried that one day I “bust” him and it will really damage a relationship that we both cherish. Very torn….i dont want to be controlling….and cant help but feel jealous.
Because they are stupid in a real relationship you must have thrust ,understanding and confidential
Hi! I have been to a relationship now for a couple of weeks. Things started smoothly. We are both Christians and we make God as the center of our relationship. But lately, we agreed to delete our dating account because we know we do not need it, since we are both in the relationship. Then there’s this instance, that a friend of mine opened her dating account and found out that my boyfriend’s account is still active. To view it, I asked my friend to opened her account again and visited his account. Yes, he was still on the dating site.And he was still online that day. I cried when I found out. I prayed for a strength to ask him. The following day, I ask him about it. He said I should not listen to my friend, because she is lying. Moreover, he said He deleted that account a week ago. So I said, as Christians we should be honest about it. We should not lie on anything. I did not nag him. But I warn myself about that red flag. If he cannot be trusted on small things, how much more on bigger ones.
So my question is Why do men lie? He can give me the truth and I will accept it than hiding something which will eventually hurt us.
Thanks for the time reading this. Hope to hear response from you.
In your particular case, your boyfriend may have lied for one of the following reasons:
1. Though he did not want to delete his account, he believed that you would be upset and might want to break up with him if he did not at least agree to it, so he agreed and lied that he deleted the account as you wanted him to.
2. He wanted your account deleted to ensure that you were no longer on the market, but he did not want the same for himself. He knew you would never agree to delete your account while he kept his, so he claimed that he would delete his account in order to ensure that you deleted yours.
If he is not, at the very least, admitting that he lied to you and expressing remorse for having done so, then you still have a problem on your hands. Lies lead to damaged trust and, without trust, the very foundation upon which all relationships rest, the relationship is doomed to fail. If your boyfriend cannot bring himself to be honest with you and discuss his true feelings with you, then this is not a healthy relationship.
My man lies for no apparent reason. He lies without me asking questions. I don’t understand why, and it’s getting worse. I love him but I’m not use to a relationship with lies taking over. Starting to wonder if he really loves me. You don’t lie to someone you love.
“In this case, he’s lying because the woman that came before you made his life difficult every time he told the truth about where he was.”
Yah, but no. This statement is an excuse and in this context, it excuses male abhorrent behavior and blames it on a woman! That is nuts.
If anyone lies (male or female), it is because they lack integrity and fear the truth. Integrity and courage (or the lack thereof) are inside jobs.
Good day.
Mina. Husbin do la same way like always. He d,care a puto bout mi un how feel bout him. We got in to it la other nite when he come from hs bco casa un he fault accuse talk to other guy onmina phone. He didnt k. Take a crimial warrant on him for theft by take idenify un he got mi cry so much it break mina heart. He been
So my am has just come back from the pub… He got pixked uo by a mate who apparently needed to talk. Whilst here, I said which pub you going to out of genuine interest. His friend replies we are meeting an old school friend in…. of course all night then I’ve been wondering who lied. My man or his friend. Well as soon as he got home, I couldn’t help myself, I asked who they’d met. Turns out my man was the lier as he met up with an old female school friend. He claims he didn’t want to tell me because I’d over react. The fact of the matter is I over react about being lied to. Not at the fact he met up with a n friend female or not. It breaks my trust in him. .. its sets us back…. and I question if the relationship is working if he feels he has to lie.
Then leave his ass it not worth the pain and suffering that you have to deal with
I had a meet and greet with a man that I met online and it went really well. But, when we were scheduled to meet again he cancelled. He only wanted to text. He said he hated talking on the phone. However, when I would back away because I didn’t want to text only, he would call me immediately. In less than two weeks, he had told so many lies that he could no longer keep them straight. When I ended it, he said that he would give direct responses to direct questions. Every answer was I don’t know. When things got really uncomfortable for him, he said that he was bisexual. And I said, “Then, we do have something in common. We both like men.” I suspect that he was not being completely truthful about his relationship status–single–and he got cold feet, but he still wanted an emotional affair. Who knows? I know for a fact that he was extremely insecure, almost pathologically–if that is such a thing. And, he feared rejection so much that he made the probability of it happening to him over and over again almost inevitable. What bites is that at first glance, I really liked him, but I am glad that I had the presence of mind to end it before it started–although I lost my cool when I broke it off. I need to work on that.
My husband and I go through ups and downs all the time. I get so aggravated when he lies over stupid crap,not saying that the more serious stuff doesn’t make me mad. We have been married for 19 yrs and our son which will be turning 20 in a few months does not know how to get a job and keep it. So anyways I told my husband that he lives rent and bills free since he lives with us and that he needs to help around the house but my husband tells me it’s my job. My husband is a big enabler when it comes to our son, I refuse to give him money or buy him cigarettes but my husband does but he does it behind my back then when I call him out on it he lies and lies and then some more. I just get so fed up with it and then when we argue because he does and lies about it he turns the blame on me.We just went away for the weekend and he wanted me to post something on his fb which was a total lie and I told him no and that one lie turns into another and another but he posted it anyways. Well we came home early and then basically had to stay home or visit friends of ours that don’t have a pc because of the lie. He then told me he could make something up about why we came home and I had to remind him that if he had not lied to begin with he wouldn’t have to make something up. I’m not saying I’m a perfect person because I have lied in the past but after a situation with another man I promised myself I would never lie. That was 4 yrs ago. Before anyone calls me a cheater or stands up for my husband I must tell you that he cheated on me 2 times that I know of so I wanted to get revenge on him. He lies and tells me this girl he worked with that he had an affair with was only one time but she tried to get him fired so no I don’t believe him. I know no one is perfect but there comes a time when it’s best to not lie to the ones you love.
I have been with someone for 3 yrs. Last year we had to stay with my family.. first dating sites then partying all night and leaving me home not knowing anything. We split for a while then got back together.. now I’m 8 months pregnant and he’s still on dating sites and even lied about a girl he works with.
I love him but I don’t know what to do anymore.. should I work through it or let it go? I’m getting the blame and being told I’m ugly just for him to feel better about himself.
Tk says:
I know this is a late post but in hopes that u did leave him I’m gonna say… if not please do so!! Things will change on and off hot and cold. You are way to good for that!! NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER ALLOW YOUR MAN TO GET AWAY WITH CALLING YOU UGLY!! Losing ur self esteem is worth it and nobody’s worth taking away ur confidence!!
Leave him. If he’s on dating sites, is he really worth it. He’s just tempting himself to do bad. Just my opinion.
Leave. My guy has been doing that shit for 6yrs and just recently lied about not having a Facebook, when in reality he blocked me. Get out before another 3yrs go by.